Dating Myself

Guest Craig-ployment blogger, Robert Beets! 

Craig-ployment has given us a peek into the life of a free-spirited social exhibitionist. Her adventures continually provide lessons on humility and encourage us all to try new things. They've sure made an impression on me - possibly in the ways the author has intended - at least strongly enough to inspire me to snag a gig of my own.

And what humbling, adventure-seeking gig would I sign up for, you may be asking? Well a guy like me doesn't need lessons in humility - that's like painting the kettle black. So, as an adventurous, self-diagnosed introvert, I decided to talk with a few strangers about my online dating persona for a two-part communications study at UW-Madison.

I met their criteria: Madison area resident registered with an online dating service for at least one month. (Being a transient I made the case for "Like, what even is a home, man?")

I liked their sound scientific methods: Written personality test, in-person interview, and panel of anonymous judges evaluating your online portfolio. And their price: $30 for participation.

STEP 1: Self-evaluation survey from the comfort of my own bed? CHECK.

Stayed in my cocoon for the written portion of the study, satisfying my inner-introvert. Ninety minutes of questions like, "Do you consider yourself a mostly positive person?" and "Would others generally describe you as a jackass?" Duh, straight 5s homey - informing proctors they weren't about to trick this guinea pig.

The online form was a little exhausting, answering the same question nuanced four different ways, but hell, I was on the clock and I don't mind talking about myself. "Would you generally describe yourself as someone who loves online personality tests?" Why, yes, I am!

STEP 2: Mildly awkward, but ultimately entertaining interview about the accuracy of my dating profile? CHECK.

The interview took place in Nerd City (Madison, Wisconsin) in the bowels of Vilas Hall - a campus fortress built to withstand riots and a comical location to talk about the flowery subject at hand. Then again, online dating sites have approximately the same cache in our society; generally utilitarian, but hardly romantic.

I sat down with - we'll call him Miguel - a UW Comm Arts grad student in his fourth year, one more to go. Contemporary mating calls of the Great Lakes Homo sapiens were definitely not his primary focus, but it helped pay for tuition. I could relate.

Too much green?

We sat in the relatively homey accommodations of the lounge, equipped with a '70s couch and solid wood dining table - I'd guess it was maple. Miguel sat with his back to the door and I sat opposite him, starting the interview by rating how accurately I felt each section of my profile represented the “true me.” Again, 4s and 5s for accuracy across the board.

The questions were pretty straight forward, probing for the truth and how closely I stuck to it. I appraised my own profile, talked about how accurately others' profiles appeared at a glance, and how close they turned out to be for those I had met in person. Seemed like most people I interacted with were honest, but you kinda assume embellishment, rather than lying, is the weapon of choice when looking to attract a mate, in any setting.

And that was really the point of the study; where do online daters make compromises in truthfulness when managing the conflict between presenting ones self as an attractive mate and painting an accurate picture of self? An interesting concept, which I certainly pondered subconsciously when creating my OkCupid profile a few months back.

Online Dating Conundrum

Online dating, for men, is pretty much like any other playing field. There’s a bunch of dudes around and starting a meaningful conversation is difficult because most of the ladies don’t actually want to talk to you. Which ends up making you feel like one of those tropical birds creating an elaborate stage; neatly arranging just the right ratio of flower pedals to immaculate sticks like Niles Crane or Felix Unger, hoping a female stumbles into your lair, impressed with your handiwork.

And like traditional dating scenes, the name of the game is confidence. However showing that online without looking like an ass is considerably tougher. Screwed from the start I say! But you still have to play the game and keep up appearances, just in case the right gal wanders into your theater of almost truths.

For about 30 minutes Miguel followed his script, asking questions like, "What portions of a person's profile did you rely on most when deciding to contact someone?" and I'd try my darndest to answer truthfully by admitting looks factor heavily, followed by a woman’s “willingness to be real, unique and cool." Felt like a conversation with a counselor or, as much as I can imagine, a psychiatrist probing for clues about the nature of my dating agenda.

As the interview concluded and I gathered up my $30 cash (immediately spent on Rathskaller fare and Badger garb) I couldn't help but wonder what the judges would think about my profile. Maybe they would laugh, like the thousands of single Wisconsin women signed up for OkCupid doing just that.

But I guess it's human nature to wonder what others, especially of the desired gender, think about us. And really, where would any of us be if we couldn't learn to laugh at ourselves? Or at least other people’s dating profiles.