Have you tried this delicious Kraft product?

As of last week I could actually count the number of times I'd been to a Walmart on 1 hand... Thanks to Craig-ployment, I've graduated to my 2nd.

Walmart is one of the most hated icons of the political left. I get it. I saw the movie, I shop local even if it costs more, I crack the F#@$ up at peopleofwalmart.com and I genuinely like buying my snow tires in a different place than I buy my blueberries. But I gotta say... I had a really good time.


I took this craig-ployment gig with some hesitation. As my dear friend Jto so eloquently put it, "You have a Master's Degree! What are you doing?!" Believe me, I've thought the same thing.


So what did I do at Walmart anyway?

Free Sample Lady! That's right, I was Santa Claus in an orange apron. Shown the ropes by my lovely new friend Linda, I spent Saturday and Sunday afternoons sampling delightful products such as all free and clear laundry detergent, Fizzy Kool-Aid, Kraft 100 calorie cheese packs, Pretzel flavored Ritz Munchables, and the new Oreo Fudge Cream Cookies. (links to nutritional information)

I'd love to tell you I left Walmart on Sunday feeling like I had just worked a shift on the Deathstar. But more than feelings of sadness and memories of carts over flowing with junk food and mindless consumption (although I did see that) I saw a lot of loving parents, 2-5 children in tow, doing their best to stretch their family's budget and afford the 'American Dream'. Walmart lets them do that.

Am I a converted consumer? Hell-to-the-No! But I sure had a good time. Thank you Walmart Shoppers for your lust for free samples, it was nice to meet you all. And thank you Linda for your boundless energy for your job and for wrapping up our cart early so we could both catch that episode of This American Life on our way home.

BONUS MATERIAL:
A classic 'Ohhh Yeaaa' Kool-Aid ad for your viewing pleasure.
A People of Walmart Rap and video

Kumbaya

You've all done it. Team Building! As a former camp counselor, there are few things I love more than Ice Breakers and Team Building. Seriously... 2 truths and a lie? I'm there! Human Knot? LOVES IT!

So you'll agree that nothing makes you want to sing Kumbaya (please watch the linked video, you'll thank me later) quite like a forced team-building event for a bunch of corporate types. For this episode of craig-ployment I was a "Team-Building Assistant" stationed at the Delind Gallery of Fine Art, as 'the girl in the red beret'. Sounds like a great way to make $100 bucks, right?

My Craig-ployer, a Boston based team building company, was hired to produce their version of "The Amazing Race" and charged 5 very capable craig-ployees with the task of leading the traveling teams of 5-7 international corporate folk to complete various challenges.

Unfortunately for this bunch it was a VERY hot and sticky summer day, and boy did they feel it as they completed tasks such as, (I named these)
* Eat this random crap in a bowl task
* Be a creeper in the children's section at a bookstore task*Put lots of hair shit awkwardly on your Asian coworker's dome who doesn't speak English very well task.
You could see it on their faces, this had been an uncomfortable day in more ways than one. Kumbaya, Schum-baya.

And as each of the 5 teams raced to my fancy-schmancy air-conditioned post they exclaimed, "Damn its hot! Where is the girl in the red beret?"

The challenge I led, too lame to mention, took the participants all of 10 minutes to finish in spite of my dazzling smile, charming conversation and every stall tactic I could muster. All of the teams finished the race a full 3 hours early!!!

So what's a craig-ployee to do when she has 3 paid hours left on her hands and a new co-craigployee friend named Matt? HAPPY HOUR of course! Thank you Bar Louie for your $2 Riverwest Stein special, mother nature for holding the rain, Chipotle for the delicious post-day drinking meal and Matt for the lovely company.

CHIN - CHIN CRAIG-PLOYMENT! I'm out!

Aged 3 years, my first craig-ployment gig

A toast to my very first craig-ployment gig. CHEERS!


In the summer of 2007 I answered a craigslist ad to be a Vino 100 bartender. Knowing little more about wine other than that I liked how I felt after a few glasses of the stuff, I survived the hour long interview and made it onto the well-oiled staff.

Three happy years later, I have put (most) of my bullshitting skills to rest and I can now educate newbies as well as hold my own with the know-it-alls. And for 12 hours per week you can still find me chatting about body, flavor, and how IT IS actually possible to describe a wine as having hints of tar or leather. Delicious.

I'm pleased to report that hundreds, maybe thousands of customers have enjoyed the gentle buzz of wine and local craft brews on my watch.
And like Cheers, several patrons have become friends, including one lucky bastard who became a 4 month blip on my romantic radar screen thanks to... drumroll... a craigslist missed connection ad posted by yours truly and read by fore-mentioned customer.

(Would have been a great story if it had worked out. Oh well, over it.)

Moving on...
(Clears throat) So CHEERS to you, Vino 100! You were my first craig-ployer and you'll always be my favorite.

Enough mushy stuff. Stick a cork in me, this post is done.

P.S I wish someone on craigslist would post that they wanted a talented artist to make this cool cork suit. I'd be all over that.

Adventurous Seamstress Needed

Adventurous Seamstress Needed
Compensation: $80


Throw out that under wire, toss that sports bra and burn your best push-up. Make way for the Golf Bra! A Japanese lingerie company has 'freshly-cut' a putting green colored boustier that turns sexy time into putt-putt time.

Wait, let me get some puns 'off my chest.' Talk about 'going green'. When your boyfriend sees you, he will become putt-y in your hands. This piece is a hole-in-one. This bizarre job request is par for the course on craigslist.
O.k, I'm done. You can stop groaning now.
(Post yours in the comment section.)

A Portage, WI native saw this little number on the local news and has been fixated on it as a birthday gift for her fiance for several months. She had posted 4 craigslist ads looking for someone to take a swing at it when I sent her an email.

Looking forward to the challenge! When I'm done, my client will be able to do a strip tease Tiger Woods would really appreciate.
(This gig is still in progress. Pictures will be posted when the product is finished.)

I. LOVE. CRAIGSLIST.

Confession: I. LOVE. CRAIGSLIST. I've laughed for hours reading missed connections, (then actually made a missed connection myself), found a roommate, found a job, and scored an awesome apartment all on craigslist. Needless to say, I'm a craigslist believer!

Home in the midwest for 2 months between gallivants abroad, I'm spending my days scouring craigslist for interesting gigs, and exciting professional challenges!
Mission: With a 'Why not? What the hell!' attitude, I'm going to explore the world of craigslist jobs and one-time rackets for the sake of cold hard cash and fantastic stories.

Seriously... this is going to be hilarious.

My friends, this blog is for YOU. It is for the moments at work when you just need a laugh, or when you think you might want to quit your job and need a reminder of what's out there waiting for you. This blog will document my adventures and mis-adventures (i.e crazy stuff I WON'T be adding to my professional resume) as well as provide hilarious visuals for your viewing pleasure.


Wish me luck and laugh along while I chalk this endeavor up to "Living my life to be memoir worthy"!


Quick shout outs: A big TY to Meghan for the awesome blog title! And to my dear family, friends and boyfriend - I love you and I promise to be safe.