Monday, March 12, 2012

Drag Queen Hooker

Drag Queen Hooker Recipe

DQH Duck Face!
Time needed: 4 hours

Ingredients:
1 Queen-y Aveda instructor
2 Fall make-up trends
8 Aveda make-up artists
8 Volunteer models (ME!)
1 pair, fake eyelashes
1 page, gold leaf
1 palate, purple eye shadow

Cooking Instructions:
Mix, no... BLEND and... TADA!!! You can turn any normal looking person into a Drag Queen Hooker.

Falsies and Gold Leaf!
Today I was Craig-ployed as a make-up model for the Aveda Institute in Menomonee Falls, Wisconsin.  Eight professional make-up artists from around Southeastern Wisconsin participated in an educational event featuring two new Fall make-up trends.  Practice makes perfect!  And I... was the practice.

What did I learn?  Nothing.  I still don't know shit about make-up.  

But it was fun, and I walked away with a sch-weet Aveda gift bag full of goodies, AND some hilarious entertainment for friends and family... until I spent 30 minutes removing it all.
The make-up removal process
The first look.  Sea Blossom eyes.  Geeeze.

Monday, February 13, 2012

Pastiche, Hodge Podge, Mish-Mosh

So what's the deal?  Are you employing yourself through CL?
NO and YES

NO
While these gigs are indeed paid, this project is just for fun.  It's a way for me to satisfy my passions for adventure and storytelling, with a cash bonus.

YES
While I am in between stints living abroad, I am, from time to time, employed by a lovely french bistro in Bayview, Milwaukee, Pastiche Bistro.  (Originally, a craig-ployment gig, circa 2010.)

Pastiche is french for, "a little bit of this, a little bit of that".  
A pastiche is a hodge podge, a mish mosh, an olio.  
The name of this restaurant, 
(that so generously allows me to be a boomerang employee)
could not be a better reflection of my current life.

Several nights per week you'll find me behind the bar of this top-rated restaurant, chatting up fascinating Milwaukeeans and trying to keep up with the rapidly changing needs of customers and servers.  

Pastiche deliciousness
It's hard.  It's sometimes hard to meet the needs of charming, and not so charming customers in an ever changing, high volume work environment.

But it's fun.  
It's fun, pays well, I adore my coworkers, and if nothing else, it gives me an opportunity to practice 3 important life lessons.

1. A smile goes a long way.
2. Don't be afraid to ask for help - it wastes less time.
3. All you can do, is do your best.


Cheers to a pastiche life!

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Golf made seeeexxxyyy

Golf gets sexy!
In 2010 I took on the Craig-ployment challenge, "Adventurous Seamstress Needed".  I was to make a gal's dream of surprising her boyfriend with... Golf lingerie... come true.

Previous post link HERE.

It took me abouuuuut 40 hours, and here are the results.  (I JUST dug these out of my email.) Not too shabby for figuring this out simply by watching the YouTube video about one hundred times.

Craig-ployment Mission Accomplished!

Yes, those are cupcake tins.
Putting practice + Naked GF = Happy BF

The skirt turns in to a "Quiet Please" flag.
Watch her inspirational video HERE.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Creepy Craigslist

No.  
Absolutely Not.  
No Way did I do this...

I just wanted to share a little taste of what's out there... if you dare.





need toenail trim (bay view)


Date: 2012-02-04, 2:09PM CST
Reply to: fpyxy-2834768811@gigs.craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]


I need a toenail trim. I am alone with no one to help me. Too fat to do it myself. Nothing weird. Will pay cash.

  • Location: bay view
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
  • Compensation: ten bucks

PostingID: 2834768811

Monday, February 6, 2012

Lab Rat

DNA cheek swab!
You know its going to be a great day when you start out with a little DNA cheek swab action at the Medical College of Wisconsin.

Last week I participated in a study measuring right-handed adults with or without a history of reading difficulties for a study of the genetic and brain basis of reading.  During the course of the hour I defined a series of words, predicted patterns of shapes, and pronounced real and not real words.

If the study finds a candidate they'd like to study, whose background I match, we both advance to the next phase of the study, an MRI scan. 

I will be asking for a copy of mine.  It will get framed in my living room.

Great times at MCW where they now have a log of my DNA... FOR...EV...ER. (I signed a form) and a shout out to my super cool interviewer and mad scientist buddy, Megan.  Good times with Craigslist, once again.

For the record... I am a really good reader (brushes shoulders off).




Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Aunt Janet

Every university bookstore needs a last minute gift for Aunt Janet to pick up for graduation. 

Something that says, "I don't love you enough to crochet you a pot holder set" or, "Lets pretend you spent four years looking at the architecture and not binge drinking".

If you are University of Wisconsin - Milwaukee graduate or relative of a graduate, you will soon be able to buy this gem of a gift featuring my, yes, my amateur photography skills.  I spent 2 hours trolling UWM's campus, looking for letters in sculpture, sidewalk cracks and scroll work in fencing on behalf of a Florida based design firm.

Things I noticed.
1. UWM's campus = not all that pretty

2. Even when one is not a student, one can STILL feel the tension of hundreds of insecure 18-22 year olds walking around them.  Holy Hormones! 


 I asked some of my funny friends, 
"What do YOU think giving this gift says?"
"Faux Pricey" - Katie A.
"The only thing I know about you is where you go to school." - Alicia S.
"I think it's a decent present if your aunt is old and un-hip" - Carly H.
"Find beauty everywhere, the world can be what you make of it"- Robert 
"I don't know you well enough to get you anything personal" - Alicia S.

Leave your ideas in the comments below



Monday, January 30, 2012

I am True Evel

Welcome to Milwaukee, Evel Knievel!

In celebration of the Harley Davidson Museum's Evel Knievel's exhibit, Lakefront Brewery (my fav) brewed a limited edition batch of some seriously hoppy, wickedly malty, dangerously high alcohol True Evel - Daredevil Ale.

Craigployment Assignment?
Wear a short skirt.
Hang out on a gorgeous afternoon.
Pass out beer samples to (shockingly sweet) motorcycle enthusiasts. Done and Done.

Payment: Cash, Evel Knievel beer, a T-shirt

BONUS: A woman talked to me for 30 minutes about her pole dancing studio! She looked a little rough but talked me into it, I can now swing around a pole... and look ridiculous.

FACT: A Jailer in Montana was responsible for Knievel's nickname. As a youth, Knievel had several run-ins with police and the jailer dubbed him "Evil Knievel". In order not to be perceived as a bad guy, Knievel later changed the spelling to "Evel" as his daredevil career took off. (Reuters)